Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
