cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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