yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
