Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
