We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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