I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There r osticjed everywhere
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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