I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
