just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
