drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
