Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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