I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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