hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
