She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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