i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
