I wish my penis had an off switch
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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