I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
