Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
