plz talk dirty to me
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Success! We fucked roommates!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
