You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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