She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
