I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
