it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud đł
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled âfive times and I still havenât gotten offâ when he was still inside me ..
Said âdonât worry Iâll get myself off tomorrowâ to top it all off
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