I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
