so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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