I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
