It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
did you just send me my own nude
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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