Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
