He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
