I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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