Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
