I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize