My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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