Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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