He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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