my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
