hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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