I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
