You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
