I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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