ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
