Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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