I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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