ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
