My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Im part way to drunk.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
