I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
