You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
