he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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