After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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