so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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