she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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