K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
