Your face is a jimmy john
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
