it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
