sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
