Already got asked if we're dating
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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