Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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