once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
