Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
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I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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