You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
