He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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