I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
