i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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