You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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