Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
