drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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