So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
