I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
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That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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