What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
