he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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