I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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