I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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