but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He shit in the fireplace
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
