so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
