Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
