Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
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No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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