Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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