To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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