In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
