You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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