There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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