Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
