I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
