I wanna passion pit in your ass
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
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Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
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My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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