you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
