I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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