I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
