Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
